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FRESH
YARN PRESENTS:
Name
Dropper
By
Ray Cochran
"Oh
my God! I'm dating a guy who's a name dropper!" my boyfriend
Peter said on our second date, as I stood in his living room, hot
and flushed with embarrassment.
I can't
remember what name I had lobbed at him, but I do remember fighting
back. "I really think that's a little presumptuous of you to
characterize me as such so early in the game," I said, puffing
up like a blowfish. "I have worked extremely hard in this business
for many years and have met a lot of well-known people during that
time."
After
I ran through my resume, making sure to include my years as an actor
on Broadway, as well as the time I worked with Kathy Bates, he apologized,
I accepted, and we went to dinner.
Months
later, with an unspoken contract in place that I would continue
to name drop and he would continue to ignore it, we were channel
surfing and came upon Funny Face, a film starring Fred Astaire,
Audrey Hepburn and the indefatigable Kay Thompson. Kay was this
gangly Renaissance woman who wrote the children's classic Eloise
at The Plaza, starred in movies, wrote songs and screenplays,
had a very successful nightclub act in New York, and was Judy Garland's
acting coach at MGM. As if that weren't enough for one human being,
she was also Liza Minnelli's godmother.
As
it just so happens
I met Kay while working with Minnelli in
1996. I had been hired in a "creative capacity" on a play
aptly titled Not A Well Woman. The play was written by a
blonde, fifty-something British actress named Sadie, whose claims-to-fame
included some bad British television, a murky stage career in Australia,
and an affair with Jimi Hendrix. (So far, that's Astaire, Bates,
Hepburn, Thompson, Garland, Minnelli, and Hendrix, if you're keeping
track.)
Sadie
was Liza's childhood friend, and theirs was a co-dependent relationship.
Liza showered Sadie with gifts to alleviate her feelings of longstanding
guilt that she had become a star and Sadie hadn't. But instead of
just getting her something useful like, say, a whiskey flask and
a Value Pac of sippy straws, she paid for, and produced, a production
of Sadie's play in New York City. Unfortunately, that's where I
come in.
For
one solid month, with the purpose of working on the play, we holed
up at The Essex House Hotel on Central Park West. As I tried to
steer the meandering conversations in the direction of the play
-- script changes, casting, design, etc. -- an endless stream of
fawning men, with names like Bruce and Brad, came and went. I watched
as Sadie disappeared into her room for "rewrites" on the
play that never came to pass. And finally, I watched as work on
the play gave way to one big soggy trip down memory lane. I sat
transfixed as a rambling, sweating Liza did jazz layouts in the
living room, called me her "mentor," reminisced about
Mama, talked incessantly about her love for Mylar, and organized
4:00 a.m. raids on the Korean market on 7th Avenue to get the ingredients
for s'mores. I knew some sort of hazy deadline was approaching for
the play, but I had become distracted myself -- by the ice cream
sundae menu provided by room service. Oh, and did I mention the
helicopter? There were helicopter rides to Atlantic City. I love
helicopters! I'm a total whore for a chopper, a man with nice arms,
and good luggage.
continued...
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